Once you're 100...

(minor moment about me, simply as background)
For anyone who knows me personally, you know that I am fixated on dying. When lost in my thoughts, I try to think of a myriad of reasons why death is okay, or not going to happen to me, or just a temporary moment that leads to eternal bliss...but, i simply cannot buy-in to any of the logic. Some people who have known me from youth think that it is because of the loss of my father at 13, but the truth is that I have been death-obsessed from as early as 8. I remember spending 'boring' Saturday's prior to being in 5th grade reading the encyclopedia in my room (thank you, Grandad) researching cancer and death. I was convinced when I started to develop breasts at the age of 10 that I had a giant tumor brewing underneath. The thing is in some ways I think it is just genetic.
At 13, I was having blackout level panic attacks after my dad died...all while trying to accept the permanency of losing someone. It is truly mind boggling. I must have asked the strangest question for a 'normal 13 yr old girl' 100's of times, "Is this all real, what if this is just a dream?". In the end, I kept waking up and I kept pushing on. Fast forward to the (ironically) reciprocal age as compared to when my dad died and now I'm 31. Not just 31, but 31 with 3 kids under age 5 1/2.
(Okay, that was cathartic.)
Enter Dylan. Dylan has always seemed interested in the topic of death too. When he was 2 1/2 Cheyenne, my lovely little husky girl, passed away. I explained that she was 'in the stars' and he has never let that go. When we go outside at night he often asks if she's happy and where she is.
Dylan is such a thinker....he wonders, and ponders, and consider the why behind more than I would expect. Then, Kobe (the dog) and Leo (the cat) 'went to the stars' too. Dylan was so at peace with their departure because in his mind they were with Chey. At some point in the past years, he has decided that humans don't die until they are 100+. Maybe this comes from Nemo, maybe random daycare teacher, maybe my father is speaking to him from beyond (not serious). Thing is I am good with that. I am black and white. I like to know that there are 100 years, I am 31, I have 2+ times my wonderful years left. I often find myself doing the math on death, and feeling assured I am safe for now!!! WTH- that is a miserable conundrum, happy you aren't dead yet!
Okay, back to D-man. As with every night, I tucked the big kids in with a recap of the day. I recanted 'what we did today'. Front to back, minute by minute, and they LOVED it as usual. Then, as I was about to wrap up with my poem (aka the last page from Dr. Seuss' One Fish Two Fish book) Dylan interrupts:
"Mommy, you will be 102, right?"
Me: "Yes, of course I will."
Dylan: "No, no, no...i mean when will you die. How old are you?"
Me: (as my mom always reminded me) "Baby, let's focus on the fun. You have so many fun things to experience, and a beautiful life to live."
Dylan: "But, am I going to die. I know I will be 100 someday."
Me: "Not for a very long time."
Dylan: "Will I be a grandpa?"
Me: "Older than that?"
Dylan: "Where will you be then?"
Me: I lied like I wish life would... "I will always be with you, baby. No matter what. Mommy is always here even when you are 100."

PS- Santa lives too, so it's okay! :)\

Oh, BTW- I gave my notice at work today, again. After tonight with the kids, I am so glad. Life is short. I love them.